Why I HATE modern Christian music

Okay, so my Aunt dragged me to church this Sunday. It was a Calvary Chapel...not to be confused with Calvary Baptist or Calgary anything, which is a name-brand. This CC denomination was started by hippies kicked out of other churches because of their polarizing looks and counter-culture attitudes. They are a Bible-studying church (which I like), but they like the modern music, with the guitar playing and the words, but not the melody up on the screen. So, I hate the modern music...that is strike one. Well, no actually, strike one is that I am tired of church-shopping. I have given up finding a church that I would like. So the crappy music is strike two. I like the traditional music - its more solemn, and also its smarter. I mean Mozart-genius smarter. Like when you listen to it, you can feel your brain cells growing. Sing "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" and tell me you don't feel smarter afterward!?! All these guitar-folk-soundy hymns all sound the same, and they are musically boring. The reason they don't put the melody up on the screen is that it would be a series of the same fuckin note over and over again, so why bother. They are hiding their musical mediocrity, or they figure their audience/congregation is so musically stupid they can't read music if it was given to them. But why should they figure that...are they just dumbing everything down? They don't bother with any of that fancy rhyming either. Or, even worse, they rhyme words with themselves. Seriously, you can't do any better? The only variety is the bridge (thank you, popular rock music, for giving them that idea). I honestly don't mind the words. The point of a Hymn is that it is to connect you with God, that it focuses your faith, and moves your spirit in ways that simple speech cannot. The words (lyrics) are the focusing points, the revelatory portion of the song. But, the melody is the soul-moving part, and without it, lyrics are just that much talk. You need both. I hate Christian Rock stations, too. They all sound the same, all the songs sound the same, formulaic. Sure there are exceptions, and they are usually SO good, so exceptional that they cross over into Mainstream (Creed, anyone?) So send me to a church with an organ and a proper choir. If I see an acoustic guitar on stage, I am going to bolt. And all you Christian Rockers, will you please study some damn music theory and quit listening to "Blowin' in the Wind", for the Love of GOD?